Friday, August 13, 2010

Little Green Ass Whooping

When I resigned from my job as a Publishing Representative last year (to stay at home with my son), not only did I give up my income, but I also gave up my company car.  Smooth move, right?

I was like, "Well, on the bright side, now I get to pick whatever car I want."  My husband was like, "Yeah, you can take the bus."  Guess who won that fight?

A couple of weeks later, there I was with my brand new, and I mean 2010 brand new, Subaru Forester.  Score!!!  Love it.  Love the color, the smell, the moon roof, on and on and on.  Obviously my intention was to keep it spiffy and yummy smelling for ever and ever.  In all my lust, I forgot I had a toddler that was going to be riding around with me all day.  Dammit.

So here we are a year later and my car is now a roving chicken nugget stand.  My husband is all, "Well, don't let Maddox eat in the car." Yeah, and I also was never going to let him suck on a pacifier and we all know how that turned out.  Whatever.  Obviously the kid is going to eat in the car.  Mainly because it keeps him occupied and I don't have to hear, "Out, out, OUUUUUT!" the whole time we're riding somewhere.

So it turns out that right after I resigned from my job and lost my car, my husband's company sold out and he lost his company car, too.  He kept his job with the new company, but now he got a car allowance so he, too, got to go pick out a new car.  He came back with a 2010 Subaru Outback.  Subarus are so reliable, we thought, hey, one of these bad boys will last until Maddox gets his license and then we'll just pass it on to him.  With like 300,000 miles on it, but he'll get over that.

Much to my surprise, Davey practices what he preaches.  NO ONE was eating in his car.  He didn't give a shit if we had a 6 hour road trip ahead of us.  Don't even think about packing some snacks.  No, we're all going to drag our asses out of the car and stand outside of a gas station to eat our bag of chips and drink our coke.  Punk.

A few weeks ago Maddox and I were out running around and we took Davey's car just because it was already pulled out of the garage.  Of course, I'm passing M&M's back to Maddox on our little journey and all is good because I kept looking in the rearview mirror to make sure the M&M's were going in his mouth. Sometimes he likes to just hold them.  By the way, those little motherf'ers DO melt in your hands.

I thought we were all clear and Davey would never know the kind of mischief that we were up to.  We got home, Madd napped, and then we got back in D's car to go out to dinner.  Davey puts Maddox in the car and then comes around to get in the driver's seat.  He turns to me and holds up a green M&M that he found in the carseat.  He looks at me very seriously and asks:

"Do you know what this is"?

Me:  Ummm, a green M&M?

Davey:  No, this, right here, is a little green ass whooping.

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